Monday, June 13, 2011

All About Me Monday-Family Volley

In our house I feel like I'm always saying, "Excuse me?! Would you like to try that answer again?" or "sorry, NO is not an option." Backtalk is always a battle and one that I would like to be better equipped to fight. My 4 year old boy likes the word 'No' more than I care for, but my little 2 year old girl throws out more sass than a 16 yr. old cheerleader. (it's ok, I was one so I'm aloud to say that) Am I the only one with a sassy toddlers?!

If not, I think you will be as excited as I was to find one of the BEST blogs I have found on the internet! If you are a mom, dad, aunt, grandma, teacher, neighbor of children with kids or ever want to have children, Family Volley is a blog you will want to bookmark for a quick, phenomenal go-to parenting guide. Heather Johnson, author of Family Volley, is a professor of Family Psychology at Brigham Young University as well as a mother of 4-one who just arrived! I found her blog through the Idea Room where she is contributing her advice in the Idea Room's new parenting tips series. The first article of Heather's I read was Stop the Backtalk! I included the beginning of it here, for your reading pleasure! :)

Stop the Backtalk-by Heather Johnson
"No"
"Your not the boss of me"
"Do it yourself"

Any of this sound familiar?

It doesn't matter our children's age, toddlers to teenagers. Backtalk is a parent's nightmare.

So what can we do to make this most frustrating of problems stop.

First, we need to understand why kids talk back. If we can understand why our kids are acting the way they are, we can better understand what we need to do to help.
Some of the most common reasons for back talk are...

  • Kids are looking to have control over their lives. As parents, if we are always demanding, and constantly ordering our kids around, we take away their personal power and independence. They talk back to try and regain some of that control.
  • Kids test our limits. They are looking to get a reaction out of us. They are exerting power and looking to see how we will respond.
  • Kids feel helpless, SO, the only way they feel they can fight back, is by talking back. They know they are dependent on us as parents and that we make the rules. The helpless feeling leads them to try to negotiate, talk back, argue, slam doors, roll their eyes and stomp off.
  • Kids are trying to exert their independence. It doesn't matter our children's age, they are always seeking independence.

    It is vital to understand the why, but what can we do after that?
*To read the rest of this article click here.

A couple of my other favorite posts are:
How to avoid taking your stress out on your children.
Are your kids hooked on bribes and rewards?

Thanks so much for stopping by today I love when you come by to visit! :) Don't forget to come over again tomorrow for Sweet Tute Tuesday, I'll be sharing a flower planter tutorial that will look glorious on your front porch! Hope your day is full of Sweet Love!

3 comments:

Just Jaime said...

Great ideas. Thanks for sharing. One of the best pieces of advice I heard was that kids need to be validated. Often, we tell children "oh, you're ok" or "That's not that big of a deal" Etc. So rather than telling them how they're feeling is wrong, we can say "That must be hard for you" or "I see you are feeling frustrated/sad/angry/happy because of _____." It helps identify feelings and validates them.

Zac & Sarah said...

Really quick comment, but I would just like the world to know that Mr. and Mrs. "Sweetlove" have the most wonderful children in the world. I know, it doesn't really seem possible, however, they are brilliant when it comes to raising these children. Which brings me to my final statement, I'm sure it's not easy and Angie probably tells the truth about there being backtalk, but if you ever interact with one of her ADORABLE sweet children, you would not believe her, because these small people are the most well mannered and polite children I have ever encountered. And yes, I'm aware that did not happen by accident. I just wanted to say they are doing a phenomenal job raising wonderful children.

I know... that was not short or quick. SORRY. P.S. LOVE YOU BLOG! I subscribed. Ciao!

Love Sweet Love said...

Oh Sarah you are too sweet!! Holy cow, if I ever need a little encouragement I know where to go! ha ha, thanks you're the best!!