Thursday, August 4, 2011

28 years OLLLDDDD!

I turned 28 on July 21st. two. eight. It feels older. I remember 16 feeling older. And 21. 16 because I could legally drive and DATE! Something about being able to drive myself to work, school, over to a friends, etc. made me feel drastically more mature than I did on July 20th. My dad took me out on my 16th birthday so he could be my first "date" and I remember feeling a sense of empowerment knowing my freedom leash was getting a little bit longer.

And 21 because I got married 3 days after my 21st birthday and something about being married kind of made me feel grown up. Knowing I was starting a journey that I could only imagine the possiblities of was SO exciting, and gave me hope and encouragement, and inspired me to change. Not who I was altogether (because I kind of love me :)), but just certain...quirks. Things I knew about myself that needed *tweaking* in order to be the wife and mother I wanted to, and knew I could, be. I was ready to grow up. Something about turning 21-about that number- that kind of gave me the internal push I needed to embrace the next adventure.

And now I'm 28. And I feel different. I can't explain it exactly. Maybe 10 years from now when I look back to the 28 year old me, and this time in my life I'll be able to pin point exactly what it is that made this year different for me. But just to sort of describe it, I feel...wiser. Which is weird since I'm pretty much as "blonde" as they come and haven't done anything that would increase my brain capacity-educationally speaking-but I just feel like I understand things a little better now than I have in years past. Which I guess, makes complete sense-the older you get, the more knowledge you gain-but it's different than that.

I think that the older my kids get, the longer I've been married, the closer we get to the end of this forever-a-student-life tunnel, the more I think. About everything. Life, motherhood, marriage, the gospel, womanhood, what I want out of my life, what I want to accomplish personally, and so so much more. And I'm just at peace. Not that I'm not typically at peace with myself, but this time it's different. I'm at total, 100% complete peace with who I am as a woman, as a mother, as a wife, and as a person. NOT that I'm even close to perfect in ANY area of my life, but for-literally-the first time EVER I'm completely OK with that. I have somehow in this CrAzY-move once a year-always having to make new friends-constantly trying to figure out my kids-thanking my lucky stars I have a patient and forgiving husband-one adventure after the next-life, I have figured out how to "bloom where you are planted". And I sort of-hold your breath-like my imperfections. As a matter of fact I embrace them. (I actually left a crooked, vinyl quote on my living room wall for about 6 mo because it felt good to show the world-I'M NOT PERFECT AND I'M OK WITH THAT! I only recently took it down because I re-arranged my living room.)

I am in a different place at 28 than I was at 27. I can't ever say I've been in a bad place in my life; I've been extremely fortunate in that way, but today I am different. Not sure how else to say it, because I feel like comparing these two places, would be like trying to compare Alaska to Hawaii. Both beautiful and good in their own way(from what I've heard and seen pictures of-ha ha!), but very different. I am confident in a way I have never been. I am sure of who I am and I Love me!

This is not to say that I don't have bad days, or meltdowns, or question my parenting methods, or feel like a failure because no matter how honest to goodness I try, I will never be able to cook like my husband, because I absolutely do have them. But now I don't worry when those days come or let those emotions defeat me. I accept them. I allow myself to feel the emotion, I let my husband try to fix my problems (he's a guy, that's what he does, why not let him give it a go? I certainly haven't found the right way...and come to find out-he's usually right. ugh), and then I just let go. I guess in short...I'm a lot less high-strung than I used to be. And whaddya know? Life's a whole lot more fun that way.

So 28. Nice to meet ya, I'm glad you're here.

4 comments:

Cheryl Nelson said...

I LOVE YOU, too! *and guess what...life just keeps getting better and better and better! Hugs,
Momma

Jaime Lyn at Crafty Scrappy Happy said...

You are so cute! I love your reflection on the years past and this new year of your life. I can identify is SO many ways! :o) I feel strange, I read your blog and I feel like I know you and like we are real life friends :o)

{Trulie Scrumptious} said...

this is such a fun post, thanks for sharing ;) we absolutely love your blog..t

Rebecca Bany said...

Great post. Hope your 28th year is great!
www.rebeccabany.com